


after the storm passes

by orphan_account



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron Hotchner has a heart, Carl Buford can rot in hell, Derek Morgan deserves so much better, Established Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Established Relationship, Gen, Jason Gideon Has A Heart, Like Actually Fuck Carl Buford, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Post-Episode: s02e012, Spencer is a Good Boyfriend, but its a secret shh, like lowkey though, not for long though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22065793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: What happens after S2E12 (Profiler, Profiled)Derek has to deal with the aftermath of his team finding out about his past and the reappearance of his trauma.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Derek Morgan, Derek Morgan & Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Jason Gideon & Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia & Derek Morgan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 371





	after the storm passes

**Author's Note:**

> for those of you who have been waiting for me to update my mafia fic: IM SO SORRY I KNOW I HAVENT UPDATED SINCE JULY i've just been really busy and some shit went down in my life so uhh we're not vibing but here you are
> 
> i might've binged two seasons of criminal minds in like five days so here we are! i had some feelings after Profiler, Profiled, and there is so much romantic tension between reid and morgan so :) this happened
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: brief discussions of rape - lots of references to it, but only a sentence or two that directly describes the act itself
> 
> be safe babies!

“How much did you hear?” Derek asks. His voice sounds hollow now, drained, even to his own ears after the shouting match he just went through. He can’t imagine what Hotch and Gideon think of him now, now that they  _ heard,  _ they  _ know _ .

Hotch doesn’t move or speak. Gideon answers for them both. “Everything.”

Derek scrubs his hand over his face. His eyes prickle, and he turns away from Hotch and Gideon even though  _ it doesn’t matter, they already know how weak you are. _

“Where’s the rest of the team.” It’s not a question because he already knows the answer, knows they’re probably standing outside and  _ God, _ why did he shout so  _ loud _ , they’re all going to know and-

“Derek.”

He whirls around at the sound of  _ his _ voice, and he always knew Spencer was  _ too good _ for him, that Derek would always be  _ too damaged _ and he’s too used to loving Spencer, in all his geeky, nerdy, talk-too-much-and-too-often glory and the thought of having to leave him, leave the one person who makes the nightmares go away when he’s curled up around him, makes his breath hitch and a choked sound finds its way out of his throat.

“Derek,” Spencer repeats and pushes past Hotch and Gideon to gather Derek in his arms before he can collapse to the floor.

Above Spencer’s shoulder, Derek can make out Emily and JJ standing behind Hotch, looking equal parts horrified and furious, though he could have been wrong through the sudden tears blurring his vision.

“Spence,” he said, hiccuping. “Spence, I’m fine _. _ Baby boy, I’m  _ fi- _ .”

He immediately catches his mistake. Sure, he’s called Spencer  _ pretty boy _ , but that’s easy enough to pass off as a joke, but  _ baby boy _ is so intimate, what he calls Spencer when he’s upset or stressed or in  _ bed _ , and now  _ everyone heard it and he’s fucked everything up once again _ .

He gently pushes Spencer off of him and meets his eyes, which hold none of the fear Derek expected; instead, Spencer’s looking at him with a fierce protectiveness edging on rage. He looks at Gideon who shoots him a half-smile and shrugs, a sentiment echoed in Hotch’s face.

“I’m sorry,” Derek chokes out, half leaning on Spencer to keep from falling, because his knees are getting weaker and he’s not sure just how long he can stay standing.

“You have nothing -  _ nothing _ \- to apologize for,” JJ responds, her voice quivering with an emotion Derek cannot place. “ _ Nothing _ .”

Derek half nods before burying his face in the crook of Spencer’s neck and letting out a muffled sob he hopes goes unnoticed. His hopes are dashed, however, when Spencer’s arm encircles his back and squeezes lightly.

“I’m so sorry,” Spencer murmurs, quiet enough that only Derek can hear him. “I didn’t know, Der, I didn’t know.”

Derek only lets out another sob and presses closer to him in response.

\---

Two days later, Derek boarded the plane with the rest of the BAU agents, after bidding goodbye to his mother and making James promise to call him every weekend ( _ “Derek, I don’t need you taking care of me.” “Like hell you don’t.” _ ).

“How are you holding up?” Emily asks him quietly as they file into the plane. 

  
Derek shrugs. “Could be better, could be worse.”

Emily looks at him for a moment. “I want you to know. This doesn’t change my opinion of you. It doesn’t make me think you’re weak or incapable.”

Derek nods. “I appreciate that, Prentiss, I do.”

She smiles at him before making her way to a solo seat to review a case file. With not many other choices, Derek finds himself sitting next to Spencer, who almost immediately places a hand around Derek’s waist to rest on his thigh. Derek looks over at him, but he seems to be engrossed in the book he’s reading, glasses perched lightly on the tip of his nose.

Derek sighs heavily and tips his head to rest on Spencer’s shoulder, shifting closer to him in the process. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Hotch and Gideon talking seriously about something, and a sinking feeling enters his stomach.

“Stop that,” Spencer says, almost too quiet to hear.

“Stop what?” Derek answers, thoroughly confused.

“Worrying. I can feel it from here.” Spencer follows Derek’s line of sight. “They’re probably not even talking about you, and, even if they were, I doubt it’s anything negative.”

Derek chuckles. “Baby boy, they just found out I’d been sexually abused for a good amount of my teen years. I don’t want all of you to start thinking of me as another one of our victims because I’m not.”

Spencer glances around the plane to make sure no one is looking in their direction before dropping a kiss on Derek’s temple. “I don’t think you’re a victim. I think you’re an incredibly strong man who went through something awful and had to grow up too quickly. I think you’re someone who took the torture he went through and turned it around and focused his energy on helping others like you. I think you’re a wonderful person, Derek, and, short of becoming an axe murderer, I don’t think that’s going to change.”

At a loss for words, Derek simply turns his head slightly to place a kiss at the join of Spencer’s neck. Spencer’s hand rubs lightly on his leg as he returns to his novel.

\---

“Hotch,” Derek says, as soon as they get off the plane. “I need to talk to you.”

Hotch turns to Derek and exchanges a glance with Gideon. “Sure. Let’s go to my office?”

Derek nods, and, on the walk to Hotch’s office, he can feel his heart beating faster with every step. His head grew lighter with every breath he took, and his stomach began to churn. He runs through the words that he’d been practicing on the plane, silently praying that Hotch would keep an ounce of respect for him after all of this.

“What’s up, Derek?” And maybe that’s what trips him up. Derek, not Morgan.  _ Derek _ .

“I-” Derek mouths like a fish out of water. He can feel his eyes pricking and determinedly stares at the ceiling. Taking a deep breath, he tries again. “I want to let you know that-that if what you saw and heard in Chicago has affected your opinion of me and my ability to do my job I absolutely understand. I get that may-”

“Is that what this is about?” Hotch asks, and if Derek wasn’t so shocked he may have detected the strange mix of amusement and grief buried in Hotch’s stern tone.

“Well, yes.”

Hotch sighs. “Derek, what you went through was awful. You were young and needed a father figure and Buford was supposed to be that for you. He was supposed to be a mentor, a presence that you could rely on, not someone who tormented and raped you.”

Derek nods, not trusting himself to speak through the sudden thickness in his throat.

“As for your ability to do your job,” Hotch continues, a slight smile appearing on his face, “you have not once, in your several years in the BAU, showed any signs of compromising the efficiency and quality of your work. I can tell you in full confidence that you are one of the best agents to have ever passed through this office.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Go home. Get some rest,” Hotch says, gesturing towards the door.

“Yes, sir.” Derek stops. “What about…what about me and Spe-Reid?”

Hotch shrugs. “I don’t mind. I don’t care what you do in your time off, as long as it doesn’t affect your work.”

“Yes, sir, thank you.” 

“And Derek?” Derek pauses with his hand on the doorknob. “Between you and me? I’m proud of the way you stood up to Buford. That took some damn guts.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Derek steps out of the office and almost immediately runs into Gideon.

“Hey, Gideon.”

“Derek.” Gideon pauses, before taking a deep breath. “Do you remember that tech bomber? In Seattle?”

“Yeah, I do,” Derek says, confused.

“You remember how you sat next to that professor, next to an active bomb because you  _ refused _ to leave her alone and scared?”

“Yeah.”

“Remember what I said about you?”

“‘A young man I greatly respect and admire’ ‘course I do, Gideon, you don’t say that kinda stuff often -”

“That still rings true.” And with that, Gideon walks away, leaving Derek standing outside Hotch’s office, unsure of what to do next.

\---

Derek himself is unsure of how he manages to make it to his apartment, but somehow he walks inside before falling into a heap on the couch.

“Jesus,” he groans, suddenly struck by just how exhausted he is. He rolls over, fully intending to call one of the many takeout places he keeps on speed dial, but before he can, he hears his door unlocking.

In a moment, he grabs his gun off of the side table and shuffles around so that he’s hidden behind the wall and peeks out. He lets out a breath as he realizes it’s just Spencer and Garcia breaking into his home and tosses his weapon back where it was.

“Hey, Reid. What’s up, baby girl?” he says, plastering his typical jovial smile on his face. “Why are y’all here?”

Garcia is uncharacteristically quiet and only offers a small smile in return. Spencer drops the plastic bag he’s holding on the couch and wraps his arms around Derek’s shoulders.

“Woah, there,” Derek chuckles, pretending to be surprised. In reality, there’s nothing he wants more than to be wrapped in Spencer’s arms and eat bad takeout food while watching  _ Star Trek _ .

“You don’t have to act anymore,” Spencer whispers in Derek’s ear. “Garcia knows.”

Derek pulls back and looks Garcia in the eye. She shrugs. “I know about you and Reid. Called it forever ago. And…” she swallows, looking Derek in the eye. “JJ told me about Buford. Derek, I’m so sorry.”

He nods. “Thanks, sweetheart. I’m okay.”

She smiles. “I only came by to drop off some cookies. I’ll let you and Reid spend some quality time together.” She winks as she walks out the door, making Derek laugh loudly as he follows her to lock it.

He stands by the door for a moment, staring at his hand on the lock. He jumps slightly when he feels slightly cool arms wrap around his waist.

“Hi,” Spencer says quietly, breath ghosting across the back of Derek’s neck. “How are you holding up?”

And he’ll never be sure of the exact reason why, but he lets out a choked, sob-like sound, before turning around in Spencer’s arms to throw his arms around his neck and bury his face into the fabric of Spencer’s shirt.

“Derek,” Spencer says, gentle and worried. “Babe, I’m so sorry.”

The pet name only makes Derek sob harder, and he can  _ feel _ the hot tears streaming down his face and into Spencer’s shirt, but Spencer’s so  _ solid _ and  _ real, _ and it feels like he’s the only thing anchoring Derek to the ground and keeping him from flying into space.

He’s not sure how long they stand there until Spencer gently pulls back just enough to see Derek’s face.

“I know that most of the time it’s you taking care of me,” Spencer says, “but you just went through one of the worst times of your life. You were accused of murder which eventually led you to having to confront your abuser, which is not easy. I brought food because I know you, and you probably haven’t eaten nearly enough in several days. I’m staying here - if you want me to - and I will do  _ everything _ in my power to make you feel better.” He sweeps his thumbs underneath Derek’s eyes and catches the tears that were about to fall. “Got it?”

Derek nods and holds Spencer tightly and murmurs something that feels like  _ thank you _ against his collarbone. Spencer merely hums and smooths his hand over the back of Derek’s head.

\---

Derek falls asleep that night with Spencer curved around him, an uncommon position for the two agents. Not that they’ve never slept in the same bed - after a few months of dating there had definitely been some instances of one of the two sleeping over, the most notable being when Garcia had stopped by Derek’s for a chat and Spencer had to hide in the closet. But it is unusual to see Spencer’s lithe body enveloping Derek’s muscular one.

Not that Derek minds.

When he is woken by the memory of Carl’s hands on his waist, his stomach, his throat, _ everywhere _ , Derek jolts out of bed and rushes to the bathroom. He barely makes it to the toilet before the contents of his stomach are upending themselves into the bowl, and there are tears beginning to form in the corners of his eyes.

He could hear Spencer enter the bathroom behind him and nods when Spencer makes a hesitative move to stroke Derek’s back.

“Are you okay?” Spencer asks, his voice still sounding half-asleep.

Derek chances a glance back at Spencer, his hair mussed and eyes heavy with sleep.

“I’m fine,” Derek rasps, the taste of bile still fresh in his mouth and his throat.  _ Just like when Carl fucked his mouth - _ he turns back to the toilet, a fresh wave of nausea coursing through him.

Spencer says nothing, only continuing the slow, steady strokes up and down Derek’s back.

“It’s not - it’s not my fault right?”

Spencer blinks once before turning to Derek. “Hm?”

“What - what Buford did. It’s not-”

“No,” Spencer says, with more force than Derek thought he possessed. “None of this is your fault. Buford took advantage of a young, impressionable kid, someone who needed guidance and exploited you. This is not your fault.”

Derek nods, then leans back to rest against Spencer’s chest, who maneuvers the two so that he’s sitting against the wall and folds his arms around Derek’s torso. “It’s so easy to tell somebody else that, but when I think about the situation I was in, what happened to me…sometimes I just go back to being that scared twelve year old in the cabin holding a glass of wine for the first time, y’know?”

Spencer kisses the top of Derek’s head. “I’m sorry this ever happened to you.”

Derek shrugs. “Nothin’ I can do about it now, pretty boy. Just take it and spin it around. Do some good with my experience. Empathize with other victims.”

“This is why I love you, Derek,” Spencer whispers. He feels Derek still in his arms. “Yes, you heard me. I love you, Derek Morgan.”

“I love you, too, Spencer Reid,” Derek replies, laughing. He gets to his feet and allows himself to be pulled back to bed.

Buford can’t touch him anymore, not here.

**Author's Note:**

> ALSO
> 
> I'm only at the end of season two so pleeease don't spoil anything in the comments :( i don't make a big deal out of that kinda thing but i would like to not have this spoiled i really like this show
> 
> I know this may not be entirely accurate but please keep in mind i'm on season TWO and i've got no clue what happens later okay? this is just my version of something that COULD have happened and i'm sorry if, in later seasons, this is not canon compliant
> 
> note added 3/8/2020: hi! so i’ve watched more of the show i am on season 9 now and i now realize this fic is somewhat inaccurate to the timeline! but that’s okay! this was basically made for like “what if the team had come with gideon and hotch to the community center” yknow ok cool have a good day/night!


End file.
